How to Fall Deliriously in Love With Writing (Again)

How to Fall Deliriously in Love With Writing (Again)

Pour yourself a cup of steaming coffee (or tea) and make it strong.

Pull up a chair (one of those cozy ones that you can really sink into).

Take a seat. Get comfortable.

It’s story time.

This story is about me (and I want you to read it even though all of the other blogging gurus have told me not to write about myself).

This story is a heartbreaker. It’s about my breakup with one of the great loves of my life.

(But, like any great love story, it ends with a make out session in the rain. Well…kind of.)

Ready? Here we go.

(Imagine the music that plays before a flashback in one of those old corny shows like Saved By The Bell. Yeah, you’ve got it.)

In December of 2014, I decided to start this blog.

I wanted to write again, because writing has always sustained me, ever since I was a hopeless romantic in middle school. I would write love stories every night in which I was the focus of not only one, but two boys’ affections. (During the day, I was a pimply 13 year old with a Jewfro and braces.)

When I first started this blog, I was writing every single day.

And I looooved it. I woke up ready to put my fingers to the keys of my keyboard. I often didn’t even know what I would write about. I just wanted it. I hungered for my own words.

Then I cut down to 5 times a week. I still craved writing, but I figured I needed to live my life, too.

After a few weeks of this, it went down to 3 times a week. Then twice. Then once.

And…for the past few months, I’ve only been writing every other week. Sometimes, not even that much.

Writing and I are officially on the rocks.

It’s not that I don’t still love her. (Because writing is obviously a woman.)

It’s that I’ve put all of these expectations, all of these restrictions, on my relationship with writing.

I can’t write a blog post if I can’t share it on all of my group boards on Pinterest.

I can’t write a blog post if it doesn’t speak directly to my target audience.

I can’t write a blog post if the same topic has been written before.

I can’t write a blog post if it doesn’t fit into a nicely bulleted list, with subheadings and click to tweets.

And because of my self-imposed restrictions, I don’t love writing anymore.

Here’s how I used to write:

I would set a timer. I would write a sentence to start me off. And then I would GO. I wrote the truest, scariest, most delicious things that came from the most hidden layer of myself.

I wrote about the long forgotten moments of my life, moments that feel like treasures. Not like gold, but like treasures that you find in a yard sale, or in your grandmother’s basement. The one of a kind moments that forever changed me. That rocked my world.

I used to write nakedly, unabashedly. All of the broken parts of myself were laid bare, glittering as they were brought into the light.

Write nakedly. Write unabashedly. Bring the broken parts of yourself glittering into the light. Click To Tweet

In this crazy online world, I’ve stopped writing like that.

My words have stopped feeling like a lifeline and started feeling like handcuffs.

It’s hard to be honest when you want people to like you.

It’s hard to be vulnerable when you’re already wondering how many times your post is going to be shared.

It’s hard to keep writing when you’ve stripped away all of the beauty and the mystery of writing.

Yes, writing is a tool for connecting and building an audience. An incredibly powerful one.

But it’s also a vehicle for connecting to yourself.

I tell other women their voices are powerful.

I help them celebrate what is unique and vibrant about them, the things that they don’t think to celebrate, because they take them for granted.

And part of why I do that is that I have the same struggle. I struggle to own my own power, to use my own voice in a way that’s real and true and that feels good.

I want this post to be a turning point.

The start of using my voice in the most audacious way possible: honestly and without fear.

blog writing

This post is the beginning of me and writing getting back together.

Me and writing, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

(You know, like the amazing kiss at the end of the movie that you want to watch over and over.)

Things are about to get steamy.

Stay tuned.

  • So well-said, Daniela! Thanks for the inspiration.

    • Daniela Uslan

      Thanks Julie! I am glad you liked the post! Are you in love with writing, too?

  • Katharine

    Well, I needed this one! As you could probably tell if you didn’t already have thousands of babies like me. Ha.
    I really think the reason blog experts say not to write about yourself is that they are writing about the cold, granite world of business marketing. Writing about self would not speak to their audience, would attract lovers instead of scrapers.

    You, however, write to those who love. We love you because you have reached out to us from the wellspring of your SELF. We like you, we like your brown and gray-green color choices, we like your illegible font, we like your SELF. And we come back for more of what makes you tick. We love watching you be you. And we know you are not about scraping whatever you can off of us.
    And we needed this post! <3 K

    • Daniela Uslan

      Awww thanks so much, Katharine! What a beautifully written comment. I am glad you love what I’m putting out there. (And sorry about the illegible font. It’s called “Daniel” so I’m kind of attached to it, bc that’s my husband’s name.) You’re right – most blogging experts are coming from the online marketing business, where it’s easy to lose your soul. I hope I never lose sight of the deeper benefits of self expression. Keep putting yourself out there! <3 <3

      • Katharine

        NO! Really, I love the font! But I get that you love it more. Daniel. Ha! Of course. Do they have one called Gerald? 😉

  • Stasia Todd

    Loved this post. I never felt I was or wanted to be a writer or any kind of artist, but kept getting called to read the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Started writing my 3 morning pages last week, and am coming around to enjoying the journey. I have a blog started to showcase my direct sales company. BUT the restrictions from ‘How to create a Perfect Blog’ type posts, like you said, tell you to have a proper target audience, a proper title for SEO, a proper this and that have stifled me, and I hardly post. Thanks for encouraging me and others to Just Do It.

    • Daniela Uslan

      Thanks Stasia. Yes! Go for it!!!

  • Daniela Uslan

    Aww thanks Lisa! I am glad you enjoyed the post. I agree – writing is the easiest to cuddle with when it’s vulnerable and human…and I want my blog to be as cuddle-able as possible. Thank you for your comment. It means a lot!

  • Alissia Haggard

    I love this and thank you so much for being authentic and real with us! Looking forward to reading where this takes you!

    • Daniela Uslan

      Thanks Alissia! I look forward to having you along for the ride!

  • *goosebumps* I’m excited and can’t wait to see what’s coming. I fell out of love when I started writing for big paychecks. It became a to-do list written in paragraphs. By 5 pm I’m ready to quit. 6 pm – brain mush. Now that I’m writing what I want to write I’m staying up late, hours past my usual bed time, because I don’t want to stop. I want to learn more, do more. I’ll be waiting (im)patiently!

    • Daniela Uslan

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post Robin! I am so glad that you’ve fallen back in love with writing as well. It feels so great, doesn’t it?

  • Heather

    Thank you for this post. I have been wanting to start my blog but I keep getting paralized by all the “must-haves” the experts say to have in a post or on my site. I want to be myself. I currently have a space for my creative portfolio on my site. I hope to fill that with expressive writing and my own artwork. I believe that everyone has at least one thing to tell or show the world and if we believe in ourselves and not conform to society’s standards (the experts), we will be the unique individual we really are, and people might read and come back in spite of themselves!

  • This is a wonderful post. I fully agree, we all first write for ourselves than for the reader but like all other processes, our relationship with writing also undergoes a change, and sometime a major change. It is important to recognize that change and act accordingly. The change where we stop writing for self and start writing for others, where we stop using our voice and bring other’s voice into our writing, these may not consciously but these happen and changes the way we write and the very purpose why we had started writing. There is no fun when we write but we have forgotten in the way to enjoy the process of writing, there is a joy in writing, writing freely and writing without restrictions. It is always not possible but there is a meeting ground where we should be engaging.

    Writing is indeed wonderful and we evolve and grow as a person with our writing, consistent writing, quality writing and writing that is intuitive and inspiring takes us to higher order of thinking and improves our way of living. As we go through the process we keep putting conditions and we keep applying rules to limit our creative freedom, rightly said so in process we lose the very essence of why we had starting engaging with writing. Writing is about telling stories and stories that we have experienced and that we have observed and that we have imagined and that we are truly connected and it will find its connection with a larger audience.

    Blogging and writing are another special relationship that we are still trying to fathom, there is so much to derive by being engaged with this platform where writing gets wings to fly but there are aspects of blogging that makes writing move out of its conventional boundary and break rules which otherwise are strictly applies. But there is danger where writing loses it’s identity and loses it’s essence when it gets driven by the rules and frequency of blogging.

    Writing everyday is not easy but writing as much possible and how much we write is good for writing and with more writing it goes the upward direction but as rightly said break is need to get that writing get a fresh and new perspective, otherwise chances are that it becomes stale and we get into that zone of writer’s block whether like or not, it needs the detour get to the better track again…reading for writing is what we look to utilize that break we take from writing.

    Have a wonderful weekend.

  • Yeah this.

    I’ve had my personal blog, The Adventures of Canucky Woman, for a few years now, but have been recently working on starting a VA business and website…trying to figure out a blog niche and all that, and learning how to blog all business-like. And feeling increasingly annoyed

    We all have to make living, but some of us are just have the personality to follow rules and be serious about it all better than others. I’ve always questioned everything. It’s my nature and it’s getting more engrained the older I get. But as entrepreneurship is my only option at the moment, I have to find the sweet spot where I can both make money and not be a phoney.

    Which made me rethink having a blog on my new website at all. At least for now. Because I don’t think I’ll be doing my business any favours by being “really” me. The more I learn about blogging for an income, the more I want to take the mickey out of it all. It’s all ripe for satire, sadly, Daniela.

    As a result, I think Canucky Woman might take a new direction. Thanks for the food for thought…

  • Boon Ong

    Sincerely, I like these type of thoughts from inner self. It make you closer to readers as well and also to indirectly encourage everyone as well.

  • I can certainly relate to this, since I’ve been going through it myself. I’m actually thinking of resurrecting a dead blog which does not need to be topical anymore, and turning it into my personal journal online. I used my social blogging sites for that, and now they are dead.

  • This is beautiful! I’m looking forward to what comes next!

  • I so feel your emotional roller coaster of a love affair. I look forward to finding out how it turns out. Good luck. I will follow your love story, as it feels so like my own. I feel inspiration coming on….. Thanks So much for sharing this.

    • Daniela Uslan

      Thanks Davilyn! I’m glad you connected with my post and that you feel inspired. Here’s to you and your blog!

  • Sara

    Thank you for this post. For the past year or so, I have been struggling with rekindling my relationship with writing. There have been days were I have outright despised myself for no longer being the writer I used to. And then I read your post and it all clicked together. I fell out of love with writing because of the demands and high expectations she would impose on me. I forgot that she [writing] was there for me- a creative outlet to express my emotions, not for my audience. So, thank you, and I hope, by tomorrow, when I sit back down in front of my keyboard, the words will come with ease.